By Ralph Scoville

As Poppy had predicted, it was a glorious day for rugby in the quaint hamlet of Bayside, NY. The pitch is bordered by the Great Oyster Bay to the South and ringed by osprey excrement from the nests high atop the lighting standards. The match would prove to be a craicker.

Normally when I write my recaps, I have some preconceived ideas from which I will just fill in with match details. Today, I went in with a blank slate and decided to let the events of the day unfold in front of me.

The Northern carpool would leave from Houlithorns. On the way, there was much discussion of the need for pregame nutrition. Cal has embraced the US culture. In the manner of Euell Gibbons, he fashions himself as a raccoon scavenging for his breakfast amongst the family dinner orts. Nothing can beat a hearty and nutritious breakfast of leftover Buffalo wings, chocolate chip cookies, and blueberries. The Mayor is often cited for his embracing of other cultures. He prefers a Pan Asian breakfast menu of Grape Nuts Vindaloo.

With the traffic surprisingly accommodating, we arrived at the pitch with an hour to spare. In another surprise, Morris would travel with almost a full side!! Spring flowers herald the arrival of warmer weather. Much as the bokbaai vygie brighten the South African countryside, our roster welcomed 2 new(!!), young (!!) and talented (!!) Springboks to the Masters. Ryan and Nico, welcome lads!

The teams would roughly be divided equally with Morris on one side and Long Island and the Paloozers on the other. Mix in a few B-side players looking for a run, and each side had a full 15 and a few subs.

Although we caught the opening kickoff, we would spend most of the first stanza in our defensive zone. Repeated, multi-phased attacks by Long Island would be rebuffed by a stout Morris defense. Long Island was awarded several scrums from the 5M line, but were unable to touch it down. One runner was able to cross the try-line, but met the welcoming embrace of Adam Brennan, who kept the ball off the earth’s plane and forced yet another 5M scrum.

As the period was winding down, Morris would suddenly find some life of our own. Deft handiwork amongst the backs with some timely rucks from the pack, and Morris would drive down for a score. BUT WAIT! The osprey excrement had blown into the referee’s eyes! He thus missed the score and ruled the ball held up. Morris was, however, awarded a 5M scrum on the last play of the period. Winning the scrum, Mick spun the ball to Akil (a.k.a. Long Island Omar) who cut through the defense. This time the referee awarded the score. Aussie Mick added the conversion and Morris would lead after 1 period 7-0.

The 2nd period offered more of the same. Most of the play was in the Morris defensive zone. Periods of open play were continually interrupted by the need for yet another scrum. Although our newcomers played brilliantly, Ryan can tweak his kicking game a tad. When awarded a penalty, most kickers like to put the ball out on the full. One such kick came up empty…. Right into the hands of the Long Island winger, who high-stepped it through the stunned Morris defense and in for the try. In fairness, this was Ryan’s first game in the Northern Hemisphere, so he was no doubt affected by the different spin on the Earth’s access when compared to his native South Africa. Long Island would add another long scoring run to take the lead after 2 by a score of 10-7. We did not know it at the time, but we were lucky Long Island did not have a goalkicking machine on their roster like our Aussie Mick.

Throughout the period, Martin Longton was a tackling machine, treating the gain line like Hadrian’s Wall and rebuffing anyone that tried to invade his Mother England. Tough as a $2 steak, he also has his sensitive side. With a torn cuticle barely hanging on, he lamented between periods that his mani-pedi appointment on Monday would now just be a pedi.

Morris would receive the ball to start the 3rd and immediately drive down to the Long Island 5M line, where we would be awarded a penalty. Taking nothing to chance, Ryan did a quick tap-n-go and before Long Island cut catch their breath, he was dotting the ball down for his first score north of the Equator. Aussie Mick would again convert and Morris would take the lead 14-10.

No resting on our laurels for Morris, however, as 2 quick long strikes by Long Island put them in front 20-14. Morris would not back down. We again drove into the offensive zone when Morris would be awarded a penalty. Now in conventional Masters rugby, the correct tactic would be to kick the ball into touch and restart with a line-out. Channeling his inner Lou Groza, Aussie Mick eschewed common protocols and opted to kick for points. With disparagement and invective being hurled his way from the disgusted Paloozers, Mick would line up for the kick. I will now channel my inner John Stirling and try to recreate the action:

The kick is UP….. the kick is STRAIGHT….. it is FAR….. it is HIGH….. IT IS short and returned by Long Island.

On this afternoon, Morris was not to be denied. Again we would win the ball and drive into Long Island territory. They briefly won the ball back, but knocked the ball on, and Morris was awarded the scrum. With a mammoth push, the ball was easily won and spun wide to L.I. Omar and he again would show some sublime footwork and dance into the try zone. Morris was now only behind 20-19. All we needed was another conversion from Mick. Mick calmly set up the ball. Hmm, now what would Daly Cherry-Evans do? Of course! Mick would add the conversion to improve his kicking to 3 from 4 on the day. More importantly, however, Morris was now ahead 21-20 with only minutes to go.

Sensing the urgency, Long Island would strive to break the gain line. Knowing the game was at stake, the Morris defense held firm and never let Long Island get close to our goal-line. One more knock-on and the game was history. For the first time in umpty-nine games, Morris would finally emerge victorious!

Ryan and Nico, thanks for joining us for your first Masters game and we hope there will be many more.

After some sammiches and beverages, it was time to depart for NJ. But before we could go, Mike had one last order of business to complete. Stripping to his skivvies, he ran across the gravelly beach and dove into the bay. Crystal blue water would immediately turn brackish. His swim complete, Mike would walk out of the Bay with the sun hanging high overhead.. Bo Derek and Haile Berry?

Don’t worry, this moment in time will not compete with your more memorable ones.

As the season is young, we have no time to rest on our haunches. We go right back at it next Saturday at a pitch to be named later. See you then

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