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MORRIS RUGBY CORPORATION

Masters Gain First Victory of the Season!

MASTERS GAIN FIRST VICTORY OF THE SEASON!

First and foremost, I would like to state that we did NOT play Montclair.  Maybe it’s me, but when Montclair states that “Morris Sucks”, I take it to mean they do not like our Morris County values.

Papi’s weather prediction was spot-on. The weather WAS perfect for rugby.  Why, post-match I was even able to break out my slippers.  For you fashion gavones, they are not pink.  They are fuchsia.  In fact, the weather was so good that the Texas Ex’s called us to play – in NJ.

I am confused.  I heard the Masters were on TV last week.  I turned on the tellie expecting to see the Mayor, Big Toe, Chappy and the rest of my team-mates.  Instead I saw a bunch of white dudes wearing double-knit coordinated outfits chasing little balls around.  Who are these imposters and why are they on TV?

The Masters had taken it on our collective double-chins lately.  In the interest of competitive balance and wanting to make Morris Rugby great again, we followed Donald Trump’s advice and put up a YUGE wall to keep the Greys out.  Just as how Donald’s wall would fail even if he was able to browbeat the Mexicans into paying for it, ours ultimately failed as well.  Sort of a Maginot Line of Rugby.  Yes we kept out the Greys on one side, but the Lions, Gents and L.I. Ducks slipped in from the back side.

I love how people think Trumpy is the salvation to the U.S. economy.  The only thing he has proven that he can run is a golf course with all the glitzy trimmings.  Every else he touches goes belly up.  The poor laborers on his project toil for months then are ultimately told to pound salt, forget that signed deal, here is what I will pay you.  He makes his money out of soaking the Titans of Industry to play 18 holes, the same M-Fers who back load tax-deals to avoid US taxes, who lay off US workers to bring in H1B employers from another country.  Sure, the Wall will stop that.  BAH!

I digressed.  We would first take the pitch against the Village Idiots.  Most of the game, they would score on the kickoff, take the restart and then score again.  They quickly dispatched us 19-nil.  To continue with the Donald Trump analogy, they did not outplay us.  It was all the referee’s fault.  He purposely changed the rules to prevent us from winning. 

After a brief respite, we would next take on the Gents.  Shorn of all his Winter flab, Jeff Greeeeeee-sack was like a buck in rut – sprinting down the pitch, drawing defenders to him to free up the wings.  We would battle to a draw, 12-12.  Scoring were Adam (former Drew University coach) and Drew Aaron.  Neil of Davies would finish out the scoring with a conversion.

We still had more time before the Men were to kickoff, so in the time honored tradition of Ernie Banks, let’s play 3!  Good thing we did, as we wracked up our first victory of the season.  Drew Aaron would score again, as did the Pup-ster.  Morris would role to a 10-5 victory.

After the match, we would retreat to the Moose.  By popular demand, Big Al had whipped up another batch of Jambalaya.  All ruggers left satisfied from a perfect day of rugby, excellent comestibles, and a (Denville’s own) Janice Huff approved weather forecast.  In 2 weeks, we lace ‘em up again in Bayville L.I.  Long Island/Drew Ralph has PROMISED that they will do their best to top our hosting efforts.

Ralph Scoville
capsaicinconcepts@gmail.com(link sends e-mail)